法國大革命 - OverSimplified (第一集)－英字

Narrator:And that's not all. A huge portion of the peasant's harvest had to be given up.
And there was also the labour tax.Where peasants were required to work a certain number of days for their local lord without pay.

Obviously, people weren't too happy with these taxation policies.And the aggressive nature of these private tax farmers sometimes even escalated to violence.

In particular though, the people really hated how inconsistent the taxation rules were across the nation.And also the fact that the first two estates often had to pay very little, if any, tax at all.And so, the anger continued to grow.

France had a population that was just about ready to explode.What could push them over the edge?How about a touch of natural disaster?

A series of harsh summers and winters left the peasant's harvests in ruin.Meaning they had no food or money. And the cost of bread skyrocketed.Of course, the upper classes had massive stocks of grain and wheat,so they were virtually untouched by this new crisis.But now the poor really were starving.And they began to riot.

Women took to the streets.Bakeries were raided and bakers suspected of keeping bread for themselves
were sometimes even hanged.

King Louis:Wow. This is really getting out of control.
Servant:Your majesty, we need some decisive action.YOU need to step up and lead us. What will you do?
King Louis: Ok, ok, I've got this...I KNOW! I'll summon the Estates General and they'll decide what to do.
*silence*
Servant:*gets angry* You really are a fat, ill-bred boy.

Narrator:The Estates General was the closest thing France had to a government, apart from the king.It was a purely advisory body and was rarely summoned.In fact, it hadn't been summoned for 175 years
prior to this.But with France in a severe crisis,the king felt the time was right to call in the government to help.
The Estates General was made up of representatives from the three estates that is the Clergy, the Nobility, and everybody else.
King Louis:Okay.Thanks for coming, everyone.The first order of business is regarding the clergy and nobility
You all get BRAND NEW PORCHES!You get a Porsche!And YOU get a Porsche!And YOU get a Porsche!!!EVERYBODY GETS A PORSCHE!

And now onto the second order of business:France is completely out of money.Like...it's never been this bad before Anyone got any ideas?
The nobility: How about we all get Lamborghinis next time?
(massive applause)

Narrator:The king decided that in order to make a decision.They had to come up with a voting system.
King Louis:The clergy.You have the population of a hundred and thirty thousandSo you'll get---one vote.
The nobility.You have the population of three hundred and fifty thousand so you'll also get---one vote.And the third estateYou have the population of twenty seven million people and make up ninety eight percent of the population You'll get---one vote.


Narrator:The third estate were obviously pretty unhappy with this system because they kept on finding that this would happen.
The nobility:We propose to raise taxes on the third estate.
King Louis:All in favor?All opposed?Two to one!Tax will be raised on the Third Estate!


The third estate:We propose a motion that says the first two Estates are a bunch of poo-poo heads.
King Louis: All in favour? All opposed?Two to one! It's official! We are NOT poo-poo heads.
(massive applause)


Narrator:The Third Estate realised that any attempt at reform would be outvoted by the two upper estates.And they thought that was kind of lame.So they decided that since they were 98% of the population, they can go off to form their own government,make their own laws, and take over the running of the country.And so, the National Assembly was born.The Third Estate was now in control and there was nothing the king could do to stop.

King Louis: Haha! I've locked you out of your building. What are you gonna do about it?
The National Assembly:We'll probably go find a different building that isn't locked. (roasted)
King Louis: OOOoOoh NOoO

Narrator:The National Assembly did find another unlocked building, just down the road
an indoor tennis court, where on 20 June 1789,they all took the “Tennis Court Oath”pledging to continue meeting until the King gave into their demands for more equality and economic reform.

This new National Assembly included many of the most educated members of the Third Estate:including two young lawyers by the names of Maximilien Robespierre and Georges Danton.Some members of the first two estates even joined their cause.Some of these men formed a radical new political party called “The Jacobin Club” and quickly became leading figures.

While many members of the Third Estate simply wanted more equality.A growing number in this Jacobin faction would begin calling for something even crazier: ‘The removal of the King entirely.’And this is where FEAR began to take hold.With such a volatile situation developing,everyone was afraid of something.

The King feared his position was under threat,and he called in the military to take position around Paris;The Third Estate heard rumour of the gathering military force and they feared the King was planning to round them up and arrest them.Maybe, he'd even execute them.

It also didn't help that the King had just dismissed France's popular Finance Ministerwho had been trying to make reforms himself.It seemed, the King was done negotiating.Fear, left unchecked, often boils over into anger.And anger detonates with violence.

The angry people of Paris, after centuries of cruel inequality, harsh oppression, even starvation,fearful of having their new movement for reform demolished so soon,decided that it was now or never to take action.Screw reform! They decided that they'd do one better.How about: ‘REVOLUTION’The people of Paris, believing the French Military was preparing to attack,decided they should arm themselves.The National Assembly announced the creation of a "Bourgeois Militia"-The National Guard.And immediately, many troops from the French Military defected over to the revolutionary side.

In the early hours of July 14th, 1789,a large crowd stormed and raided the Hôtel les Invalides.A military hospital, where they were able to secure a large number of rifles.The Bad News was- they weren't able to find any gunpowder for their new weapons.The Good News was- they knew exactly where to get some.

A prison fortress, and a symbol of royal tyranny, towering over Paris:The Bastille.Midmorning, the crowd gathered around the Bastille, and demanded that the man in charge Governor de Launay, surrender the prison, and hand over the gunpowder.Obviously, Governor de Launay was like:"No way!" So, he stalled for time by inviting a few members of the crowd in for negotiations.

The crowd, still waiting outside, quickly became impatient and before long, they stormed the fortress, taking on the French troops inside.
Servant:Your Majesty, we've received word that the people have surrounded the Bastille
King Louis:Governor de Launay will hold them off. No need to worry.
ServantL Aaaaactually, your Majesty, it appears the crowd is now headed away from the Bastille.
King Louis:You see?! What did I tell ya!Clearly Governor de Launay has defeated them, and has them on the run. No need to worry.
Servant:Uh, your Majesty..Isn't that Governor de Launay's head on a pike?
King Louis:Well...Clearly, Governor de Launay has taken on the form of a bodyless, pike-head deity and the people are so enamored with him, they're parading him around the city.No need to worry AT ALL. (quickly drives away)

Narrator:When the National Assembly heard about the violence that had taken place,they had two options: either one, they denounce it,and try to carry on the Revolution using peaceful means.Or two, they say: "Damn, you stuck his head on a pike?That's pretty hardcore, and WE LOVE IT!Incidentally, they went with option #2.

Some historians believe this reaction paved the way for the utter violence and bloodshed that would become the legacy of the French Revolution.This widespread acceptance of violence during the Revolution is also largely accredited to the writings of a certain Jean-Paul Marat.A man of science, with a horrible skin condition that kept him confined to a bathtub.He began writing a radical newspaper he affectionately named: "The Friend of the People"
Jean-Paul Marat:Citizens of France, be very afraid.Given the chance, the King and the nobility won't hesitate to massacre us all.The solution is simple: EXECUTE THEM!Kill every last one of them! Cut off a thousand heads, and if that isn't enough,CUT OFF A THOUSAND MORE!
(rubber duck rises)
Jean-Paul Marat:Oh! Hey Mr. Squeaky. What are you doing down there?You're so cute! (squeezes duck)Awwww, I love you too, Mr. Squeaky. (kisses duck)...Now where was I?Oh yeah...... Kill them all!

Narrator:It became one of the most popular publications in Paris During the revolution, and succeeded in spreading ever increasing fear and anger among the people.In August, leaders of the National Assembly, with help from a certain Thomas Jefferson,adopted the ‘Declaration of the Rights of Man and of the Citizen’---an incredible document that guaranteed liberty and equal rights to all men.And when I say men, I mean men. (not women)Despite its glaring shortcomings in gender equality,the massively influential Declaration would go on to inspire the struggle for liberty and equality across the planet for centuries.

However, back in France, the vast majority of the people weren't really so concerned with enlightened ideas of equality as much as they were concerned with the fact that they were still starving.Bread was still expensive as hell and hard to come by.The people felt that one reason that nothing had been done yet about the crisis was because the King simply couldn't see the problem.He lived in Versailles, a full 20 km southwest of Paris.And as a result, lived in comfort, separated from his dirty, stinking subjects.

On October 5, a crowd of women, 7,000 strong,decided to do something unprecedented.They decided they'd remove that separation, and confront the king directly.The women marched all the way to the King's palace in Versailles.Along the way, the crowd continued to grow into the tens of thousands.
And when they arrived, they demanded an audience with the King.
Queen Louis:What are those "things" outside the palace?
Servant:They're poor people, your Majesty
Queen Louis:THAT'S POOR PEOPLE?!!
ServantLThey say they're hungry.
Queen Louis: Hungry? Then let them eat cake.
Servant:Wow. See, this is the exact BS that led to this whole mess in the first place.You're SO out of touch.They're writhing around in the filth breaking their backs to barely scrape by and they come to you demanding just the basic ability to feed themselves and you think a slice of cake will sort them out?
QueenLouis:Well...then let them eat Taco Bell CrunchWrap Supreme.
Servant:Wow!They're not THAT desperate!

Narrator:Members of the crowd actually managed to break into the palace with the intention of killing the Queen
who narrowly escaped through a secret passage in her bedroom.The enraged mob killed several members of the Royal guard, and raised their head on pikes,which if you haven't noticed yet, is something they were quite fond of doing.

The King had no choice, but to come out and talk to the crowd.He agreed to accept his new position, sharing power with the Revolutionary government and to return to Paris with the crowd, removing the separation between King and Subject.